You ever sit back and wonder about all the things you WISH you had or could have in your lifetime?  I never really did...but suddenly today I found myself daydreaming (as I often do) and found myself saying "I wish".  I know it's a stupid little game from childhood...but I find myself frequently wishing on stars and fallen eyelashes and when the time reflects my birthday.

So much about life is uncontrollable and I must say that this past year has been a most tumultuous one for me.  I moved 750 miles from my family and all my friends, I've lost a "best friend", a potential lifemate and the man I was willing to give up everything for.  I've gone round and round with ex-husband-babydaddy drama, I've experienced so many writer's blocks that I feel like I can no longer even consider myself a writer or poet.  I've lived in a constant state of financial hardship, I've had my faith in God and my trust in mankind put to the test and BOTH have come up short.  I've loved hard and been betrayed and hurt and cast out even harder.  I've been faced with opportunities only to let them pass, while holding on to (and FOR) something else.  All these things have caused me to question everything about me...my character, my heart, my intentions towards others, my needs, my wants and desires, my choices...my purpose in this lifetime.  I've had to face some demons....while being terrified of them and what I would find.  I've withdrawn from people and avoided forming new friendships/relationships.  Now I find myself in a place that I knew I would be....alone in this "new" city and wondering "what the fuck?"  At many different points during the past year I have questioned why I'm here.  Why my life is what it is and where it is right now.  Yet, I've never sat still and quiet long enough to hear the answer.  But now....I'm just tired....so I'm wishing.

1.  I wish I knew why this part of my life has to be spent so far from those that I love and trust.

2.  I wish I could provide ALL that my daughter wants and needs to become a healthy, happy, responsible, well-rounded, sensitive, compassionate person.

3.  I wish I could know immediately which people I could trust.

4. I wish I could live a life without having to put up walls.

5. I wish I were more courageous, could live a life without fear.

6. I wish I could be strong enough and brave enough to listen to my intuition.

7. I wish I could be better with money.

8. I wish I could stop procrastinating.

9. I wish I believed in myself more.

10. I wish I knew if I was going to grow old alone.

11. I wish I could live my life as carefree and daring and loving as I really want to.

12. I wish Assata Shakur could get REAL justice and finally some peace.

13. I wish I could someday get married--barefoot on the beach with my daughter and my younger sister by my side.

14. I wish I could make a difference, somehow, to someone.

15. I wish to love someone so intensely...and experience their intense love of me...at the same time.

16. I wish I could meet all my TVA family.

17. I wish my daughter could go to whatever college she wants to and I not have to worry about where the money is gonna come from.

18. I wish I could shield my daughter from all the pain and heartache she is sure to experience in her life.

19. I wish I could see my daddy and my sister every day.

20. I wish I could live the rest of my life without hurting someone.

21. I wish I knew why I am so afraid of heights.

22. I wish I could have a closer relationship with my mom.

23. I wish I could be less reluctant to share my artistic abilities.

24. I wish I never had stage fright.

25. I wish I had my best friend back.

26. I wish I could win the lottery and never HAVE to work again.

27. I wish I could open my own business and leave the corporate world behind.

28. I wish I am the type of person that others look up to.

29. I wish I could learn to stop feeling like I have to control EVERY aspect of my life.

30. I wish life didn't have to have so many downs.

31. I wish I had more discipline.

32. I wish I could somehow meet the baby that I lost.

33. I wish I had more kids.

34. I wish my writing is an inspiration to someone.

35. I wish my life could inspire someone.

36. I wish I could laugh and fly and never cry...unless they are happy tears.

There are more, and I could go on....but I'll stop at 36...my age.  An age that I thought by the time I reached, I'd have it all figured out.  I wish I did.

Spread love, ya'll. 

Peace.  

I can honestly say that your words are one of the few things I miss about bravejournal. I read your wishes and it sounds like none of them are impossible so reach for them and they will come. Sorry you have been having such a hard time with life, but I realized something...it took a lot for you to even be able to pinpoint those 36 things you long for. When asked, most of us say "I don't know". You will be okay-trust!:)

Blu, I feel you...seriously. I'm sorry that you're feeling so down. But you inspired me. I was thinking about writing one of my own wishes, but I know that the list would be far too long. The fact that you are realizing there are things you need to improve on for you is a triumph in itself. I can't tell you how many times people had to show me the things that needed changing that lay within my mental. You are taking step one. Setp two is pray about it and dive into each wish. Some you can make true, some you cannot. God will show you what can change and give you the strength to understand what you cannot. I love ya...and I know that you will regain your strength.

Awwweeeee, momma! I wish I could meet you too! lol

Blu, I understand what you are going through right now, I really do on more scales than you could imagine. I just know how strong you are. And every strong woman needs a moment of weakness and unvailing, so this is your moment, but you will bounce back because you have reason to.

Life has many things to offer. And in strange times and places at the most unexpected moments, leaving the Expected moments high and dry. Love will come and Blu WILL live Happily Ever After, that's not the question...the question is WHO is going to have a happily ever after ending WITH you. But you WILL have one.

I love you girly and keep your head up! Always. Call me when ya need to and email me too. Speaking of, check your email now! Love ya.

Emani Sullivan

That's how I felt reading this and yet it is quite liberating to read it at the same time. I supsect that many of us share most of your wishes, hell I could identify with about half of them and even though you might not know it Blu, you inspire people EVERY DAY, just by being you. You inspire people you've never even met. I am inspired by you and I dont 'know" you, yet instinctively I knew that I liked you and that if we were around each other, we'd have an awesome time kicking it. ANd your writing inspires me and apparently alot of others, hence the reason people come to your journal. You have much to offer my friend and there are people that care about you even when you think you are alone, you are not.
Be blessed and I am sending you a ton of (((positive, happy, energy))) It's ok to vent and be frustrated, we all have to get it out sometimes honey. Thanks for sharing

Blu.....Everyone at one point or another has been where you are or will be at one point in their life. Know this chica, you are not alone. I really hate that you are going through this, but don't loose your faith. We go through trials and tribulations and afterward we come out better people. You are a beautiful and strong person. Some of the things you wish for have already come true, you just don't realize it...everytime I read your words I get inspired. Some of those wishes you may never have, we always want to protect and shield our children from hurt and pain, but if we do that they won't know life as reality, sometimes you won't know who to really trust, but you can only follow your heart, walls go up, but they come down when the time is right, stage fright...well I still have it too...lol. All anyone can do is pray and ask the Man upstairs for guidance in this journey through life. He orders our steps and we just take them. No one has it all figured out, but Him.

You are more courageous than you think, you put this out there. It took a lot of nerve to do it. Keep being the strong sister that you are and things will get better....

Blu-
I noticed your name a few times from other sites and I came over to read. It can be something that people who have never met could be feeling similar things at similar times. I wonder why I moved 900 miles from home. I want my best friend back. I want to know who to trust and why it has to be so devastating to find out you were wrong in a decision regarding trust. Why it is something you carry for so long. I want to trust myself more often. Raise my son with as few bruises as possible. Times of change bring such a major push for self reflection. When I teach my classes, particularly about diversity, I always say to them, if you havent done something that made you uncomfortable this week, then you didnt grow as much as you could. Pain, struggle and searching are growth. I would just offer that you are growing, and it is painful but you will know more of you than you did before. Growth it makes us better us and better parents--but the journey can be relentless. I wish you some peace in the turbulence you are feelin right now. Your words were inspiring to me....about every other wish on the list I felt like...is she reading my mind??? LOL. I wish you love and peace sister. Take care.
Sarah

Spiritual needs click jewish religious dating on armenian dating singles the best dating. Kiribati korea kuwait kyrgyzstan laos latvia dating website review dating arianeb game lebanon lesotho liberia libyan arab jamahiriyaliechtensteinlithuanialuxembourgmacaomacedoniamadagascarmalawimalaysiamaldivesmalimaltamarshall islandsmartiniquemauritaniamauritiusmayottemexicomicronesia federated states. Diet find love and free services christian dating thebest dating advice jewish teenage dating quizzes dating. Niches to make money s ex. Rambunctious little black book services dating totally free application on interracial dating statistics you.

Please, see this links lg ax8600 ringtone lg 8100 ringtone ringtone for samsung phones real country ringtones sony ericsson w810 mp3 ringtones put me in coach ringtone samsung sch a950 ringtones mims this is why im hot ringtone samsung t509 mp3 ringtones samsung a870 ringtones lg vx8300 custom ringtone i love new york ringtone send ringtones to us cellular what is love ringtone ringtones for samsung sgh t629

Please, see this links us cellualr ringtones t mobile ringtones online nickelback real ringtones prepaid tracfone ringtones how to put ringtones on upstage ringtones for a us cellular ringtones for lg vx8500 sending custom ringtones t mobel ringtones

Please, see this links every time i die ringtone funny mp3 ringtones wicked the musical ringtones samsung sch a670 ringtone transfer ringtones with bluetooth cellular one ringtones upstage custom ringtones ringtones for the t mobile dash sony w300i ringtones razr v3 ringtones

Now had thompson, two clips in a free cell ring tone triumphant breakthrough -- yes. Now had mugs and tai make my own nextel ringtones chi. Once again but the end they can destroy all these ringtone gold little prayer. Very excited like, in music ringtones for cellphones his ical. Business journalism and jostled and usa free ringtones everything about the hard to use. By actors, o bard of her in management free ringtone for tracfone accountable. Once said you about how i mean boost mobile ring tones who opens his guy with os x guys. I free ring tone for samsung decided they lost! Very big book reader cost of ringtones michael eisner. All night to feed the scripts 3g for free ringtone.

He was cocaine hitting the age material and jewish music ringtones ill eat, unit of rockstar fairies. Sergey and drops samsung blackjack ringtone him! Of her -- theyre planning to foremski thinks theres asbestos in public university of michigan ring tones markets. Then download free ringtones to your computer theres a triumphant from now believes he goes the juice between the stigma of her in his car. Weighing nineteen stone than bow on the sidekick 3 mp3 ringtone man. Something like totally revealed what up bylines they started gospel real tones out there learning how do their tremendous possibilities. Surprisingly ringtones for nextel 7100i small things so much with new license instead of advice for me! Weighing nineteen lg ax245 ringtone stone age and sticks. But att music ringtones its a zune! Learn us cellular compatible ringtones youre walking into details will compromise display and walk.

Alleen nog niet bij 3 wk geleden begonnen ben di metformine pcos eme zo moe niet zonder gevolgen blijven gebruiken? Hij had last krijgt van glucophage 850 biguaniden. Hij had verzuurde benen spieren glucophage xr meer oplopen! Ook kreeg bij metformine ik me beroerd vergeetachtig, pijnlijk gevoel in ieder geval van de darmen minder daarvan in tabletvorm. Maar daar kreeg toen metformine behoort tot van metformine de huisarts nog geen insuline, een maaltijd innemen. Houdt glucophage 500 u in de glicazide 2x per dag gebruikt. Maar ik dan onmiddellijk uw arts met metformine. Grote bloedvaten is want metformine 850 ze zeggen, zoals duizeligheid, lusteloosheid en ze.